i miss my summer nights at bryant park. picnic for four (more or less) every few mondays with the competitive spirit arising in all of us whenever the clock struck five. the invisible gates were opened and permitted us to run like braveheart with our fists in the air and mouths wide open to try to deter others from placing their blankets over ours. and usually we'd succeed and laugh over how crazy we must have looked with our sense of determination for one particularly random spot. but fortunately, we were crazy along with everybody else. so we'd sit down and occupy ourselves for four hours with the occasional walk to herald square because our legs just needed some productivity. and then we'd walk back carefully to our claimed territory, trying hard to find a tiny piece of green to step on that would peek out from under everybody else's blankets. then our competitive spirit would return when the scrabble board was brought out and we would desperately be hoping our fingers had chosen the right wooden letters. and then before you knew it there was only a few minutes left until the movie - the movie we waited four hours for, when really the best part was the four hours. then the screen lit up and everyone in their picnic circles turned around to face the same huge screen. and we'd sit and we'd try to enjoy the movie, but honestly, sometimes the movie just wouldn't do. the movie would end and even though it wasn't satisfying, i still felt it was worth it. i'd wish we could sit in that same spot forever, just us four. i miss those nights where company was all that mattered.

i was never really good at waiting.


"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -jeremiah 29:11

i stink. (note to self: must take shower.)
long, lonely days are the worst, are they not?
i am fully convinced that pms is indeed the devil.
boo for when a cd i've been waiting forever for sinks below my expectations.
boo for how getting mail is the only thing i look forward to nowadays.
boo to those college admissions officers who take so long to review apps.
boo for next week and how predictable the next three months will be.
yay for having new books to read.
yay for completing my clipboard.
yay for dashboard and how his music harmonizes with my moods.
yay for homework and how it reminds me that i actually am capable of being productive.

..what everything inside me looks like everything i hate, You are the hope i have for change, You are the only chance i'll take..